There is no greater individual freedom than the right to swim with sharks. It surely would have been specifically delineated in the Bill of Rights if the Founders could have gotten off the pistol range long enough

(Free to) Swim with the Sharks

The New York Times -- which usually reports on those who save whales, build habitat for the great hairy pygmy mollusk and recycle plankton into alternative fuel/food -- has once again demonstrated its journalistic leadership.

While other media outlets were obsessing that shark bites along our beaches are dramatically on the rise, the Times on April 16 was reporting that there are those among us who venture down to the sea, cast dead chicken parts into the water, jump in behind them and are photographed petting the sharks which swarm to the nautical version of Meals on Wheels.

As might be expected, a group of wily Florida entrepreneurs run these recreational excursions for tourists too jaded for the Jaws exhibit at Universal. But with Pavlovian predictability, there appeared seafaring nannies to assert that this activity must be stopped immediately. Not only is it dangerous, but those old boys are making money off it. Fun and profit together cannot be allowed, even among consenting adults.

Well, give us a break. Only one woman has been bitten so far, and the rumor at the dock is that a teenage shark just got carried away while trying to pop her thong.

There is no greater individual freedom than the right to swim with sharks. It surely would have been specifically delineated in the Bill of Rights if the Founders could have gotten off the pistol range long enough for any other leisure pursuits.

This is a constitutional no-brainer, people, and we simply can't understand why the ACLU, the Freedom to be Free (and Easy) Foundation and the James Madison's Brother-in-Law Society have not yet flung press releases into the breech. The Declaration of Independence on our wall says, right there on that faux parchment paper in its authentic replica frame, that we are ENTITLED to the pursuit of happiness.

It does not say that happiness must be tempered by intelligence. (That would require one of those tests that are not politically correct.) It does not say that happiness must be preceded by signing a liability release, in triplicate, notarized. It does not say that such activity is subject to the Florida sales tax. It does not even say that nutrition labeling must be affixed, in multiple languages, with waterproof adhesive, to the bloody chicken parts.

Rise up, Brothers in Arms, and send us some money to fight this paternalistic affront to all who stand upon the Barricade of Freedom. Most of that other constitutional stuff is way too dreary. Oh, and those of you who want to enjoy this new sport should hurry before the television crowd gloms onto the Times story. Those guys with the handicams know what free press means, and we know what legislators do when there are cameras present.

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