Citizen Alert! President Obama needs your help, and we want to help you help him.

Although we do not usually involve ourselves in causes that may require stooling on neighbors and relatives, this is a special White House request, and we are thus sure that all civil liberty and privacy concerns have been adequately vetted by Justice Department counsel.

This nation faces an August crisis, you see. Unruly mobs are being bused around the country by villainous insurance companies to spread “fishy disinformation” about the President’s health care reform plan and disrupt the town hall meetings of hapless Congresspeeps who had to attend a seminar to find out what is in the legislation before they went home, but really don’t care since all they want is a ride on the new Gulfstream G5s that Speaker Pelosi has ordered up for congressional travel.

Even though it is never explained how Big Insurance gets such unruly mobs on the bus, HHS Secretary Sibelius has admonished us not to sweat the details, so we won’t. These are really, really insidious unruly mobs, because as Senator Barbara Boxer has observed, they are way too well dressed to be legitimate citizens peaceably assembling to seek a redress of grievances.

At any rate, the President requests that “if you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov.”

“Fishy” is not defined, but we expect you’ll know it when you see it. For example, the President says that the legislation is intended to save money, but the Congressional Budget Office (along with a lot of economists) says it won’t. In that case, you must make the choice of whether to report the President or the CBO to the White House (this is, after all, supposed to be your view of what’s fishy). Do not worry about the seeming contradiction of reporting the President to the President, because that is just a natural byproduct in regimes where dutiful citizens are encouraged to report fishiness.

In a completely open and honest Administration such as this one, it is entirely possible that the President has been misled into fishiness, and will therefore appreciate knowing, so he can fire the appropriate underlings, particularly those who seem too well dressed to be public servants (see Boxer, above).

You will clearly want to report all those Members of Congress who aren’t adhering to the President’s message that health care reform is not intended to end up as a “single payer”(government) system.” Forget that video of the President saying he would prefer a single payer (government) system, and all those others where the President’s words don’t match the President’s actions. That was then; this is now. Who are you going to believe? The President or your lying eyes?

In beseeching readers to comply with the President’s request to report fishiness to the White House, we recognize that many feel email is just too impersonal to report such rampant abuses as fishiness. If you’re among those millions, you could call instead. The White House telephone number is 202-456-1414.

While there is no higher calling than wiping out political fishiness in our lifetimes, there are other fish to fry as well, such as, say, a government of dunces. Be audacious, because an audacious President needs your help.