Memo To: Rahm Emanuel
From: O

Looks like Panetta may quit before we can fire his ass, so you better get cracking on a replacement. What is it about these guys? You send perfectly normal people to Langley, they get a secret decoder ring, a toy pistol and a poison fingernail, and the next thing you know they’ve gone all Marlon Brando Kurtz on you.

Pelosi is so wee weed up that Hoyer won’t even go near her office. She’s so pissed that publicly Holder’s investigation is excluding Bush and Cheney that she’s threatening to cut off funding for ACORN. Why can’t she understand that politically we need to run this like a Mafia roll-up, scaring the crap out of the CIA underbosses now, and get them to give up the Capos as we get closer to 2012? All she has to do is sing “Love me, Love me, Love me, I’m a Liberal” to get re-elected in San Francisco. Has she ever even been to Ohio?

Just wait until about half of those government grunts face losing their houses and their kids’ college funds to pay their legal bills. Who needs drills? They’ll rat out their grandmothers, and we can run six months of leaks to the Times before even indicting anyone.

Anyway, Powell could get confirmed lickety split, we could call him a “Republican” appointee (hee, hee), but there’s no way he could understand that we really want him to do nothing but come over here every day in the limo, have a cup of coffee in the mess and then leave. He ought to be on the leak list, though, help keep his speaking fees up there.

Sandy Berger would be the perfect choice, if he hadn’t gotten caught stuffing his jock strap with classified stuff. Nobody’s gonna buy a DCI who has to be cavity-searched before going home every night.

We can’t take Dodd out of the Senate now, although you can bet he’s going to be here whining for something when he loses.

It would be good to move Napolitano somewhere where she’d have to shut up, but she doesn’t know the difference between Mexico and Canada, and she’d be in here every day trying to get us to drone conservative churches, not that I wouldn’t like to do that, but we’ve just got to hold off on some stuff for a while.

We’ve got to keep Sibelius where she is so she can take the hit for the swine flu debacle, which is going to make Katrina look like a day at the beach. (By the way, make sure the teleprompter doesn’t get me to say “Good job, Kathleenie” to her anytime soon.)

I’m at a loss. One job, just one job in the entire government where we don’t want anyone to do anything except mess with the Israelis and keep sending over that al Qaeda porn they look at all day, and there’s no one stupid enough to take it. Actually, now that I think about it, why don’t you give Bill Richardson a call. Now that you and Holder got that investigation dead-ended, he’d be okay. God only knows, he’ll take a do-nothing job.