An estimated 40 million Americans watched the conclusion of "Joe Millionaire," establishing basic qualifications to become crash test dummies, human shields or lemmings.�

Boycotting french fries is not precisely the point.

Those of you who need snow removal, potholes repaired or traffic lights calibrated will just have to wait a while.� Your city council is too busy issuing resolutions condemning war, pestilence and famine.

Isn't it good to see Pete Seeger working again?

Carol Mosely–Braun, the scandal-ridden former U.S. Senator and former Ambassador to New Zealand, has entered the race for President.� Her announcement speech had an audience of one.� The one was not Donna Brazile, former Al Gore campaign manager and current Democratic Party operative, widely believed to have induced Mosely–Braun to run to deflect minority vote from the Reverend Al Sharpton.

Unused duct tape should be stored in a cool, dry, dark place.� Unused duck tape should be donated to the artist Christo, who could wrap France in a pleasantly aesthetic way.

Those who bought the type of plastic wrap that is made from petroleum by-products and thus aids terrorism are being offered amnesty by the former governor of Illinois.

Not so many people who got two feet of snow think their SUVs are evil.

As a Question of the Day, MSNBC wanted to know if you thought Scott Peterson was involved in the disappearance of his pregnant wife, Laci.� Tomorrow:� Is string theory the devil's science?

Jimmy Carter won the Nobel Peace Prize and you didn't.� Jacques Chirac has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and you haven't.� Do you sense a pattern emerging here?

Has Jimmy Carter ever renounced his growing and selling of peanuts, to which countless numbers of helpless children are so allergic that the nuts are banned in schools?

Importers of French wine, worried about U.S. boycotts, have been privately tasting some quality juice from Iraq.� They are said to be particularly impressed by the precision–engineered aluminum tubes in which the wine is sold.

Stock tip:� We don't think there is going to be much of a run-up in love beads.� This crowd is hostile.

We thought Dennis Kucinich was Prime Minister of Belgium.

What color is your parachute this week?