...Happy Powder, the latest designer-like "drug"...,just waiting to lure your school children into its ugly jaws of sinful pleasure. ‘Happy Powder’: Tune In, Turn On, Get Kicked Out

Ecstasy, meth, blunts, magic mushrooms…Kids today try the darnedest things. Now this: "Happy Powder." If you’re looking for a quick fix between home room and first period, nothing beats the rush from this uncut, pure blend of. . .sugar, Kool Aid and cinnamon! That’s right parents, Happy Powder, the latest designer-like "drug" from Satan’s den, just waiting to lure your school children into its ugly jaws of sinful pleasure.

Thank heaven, then, for the heroic efforts of Howell, Michigan school administrators who are ridding their elementary school of this insidious poison before it proliferates to a school near you.

Last month, twenty students at Northwest Elementary School in Howell were suspended for three days after they were caught distributing or ingesting baggies of "Happy Powder." According to school administrators, the 19 fifth-graders and one third-grader were not punished for the contents of the plastic baggies, but for participating in what they’re calling a "mock trade in illegal drugs." In addition to the suspensions, the students must write a 500-word essay on making good choices.

Had "Happy Powder" been distributed in small, cylindrical paper tubes — such as its better-known cousin the Pixie Stick — the kids (perps) would probably not have been punished. Plastic baggies get such a bum rap these days — no self respecting peanut butter and jelly sandwich would be caught dead in one.

"I realize this was sugar," sniped Jeannine Pratt, president of the Howell High School Parent Teacher Organization (PTO), "but the students have to realize there are consequences…If you hit them hard now, maybe they’ll think twice in the future." School Superintendent Chuck Breiner added, "The issue is with how they were selling [the sugar] in school. The way it parallels drug trafficking troubles us greatly."

And what was the haul from Howell’s underground "drug" trade? The roughly 10 baggies of seized confection had fetched the enterprising grade-schoolers about 6 bucks. Rather than being punished, perhaps these future titans of industry should have been rewarded for demonstrating an understanding of capitalism and the free-market; bedrock principles clearly lost on many of today’s overzealous, politically-correct school marms.

It is no longer en vogue to "Just Say No." According to the latest anti-drug ad blitz, we need only ask our kids what they’re on and they’ll tell us. Just like that. It makes you wonder if the people making the ads ever inhaled, let alone know any kids. However, if this warm and fuzzy idea is going to work, perhaps we should start by not indoctrinating our youngest to fear the heavy-handed tactics of administrators and parents who increasingly live in a world of zero tolerance. Perhaps then our kids might trust us enough to actually talk to us.

April 25, 2002
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