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The following was entered into evidence before a hearing of the Joint Economic Committee of the United States Congress. After the Obama Administration received criticism for the growing number of Americans who are dropping out of the labor force, White House officials produced this document to show that the President is helping many Americans seek out new jobs. The material here originally ran in the classified section of the Washington Post in late September 2010:

I Can be your Battering Rahm! – Middle-aged professional with extensive management experience seeks productive work or – failing that – elected office. Decades of experience generating and managing personal conflict. Extremely creative with verbal skills. Background in strategic planning and ballet. Is your business in crisis? Don’t let it go to waste! E-mail address available on request (includes words the Post refused to publish).

Need Help Running the Numbers? – Professional economist with senior-level experience seeks position of responsibility where empirical claims will not be scrutinized for results. Can predict your policies’ effects on employment to within the nearest 10 million. Weaknesses include inaccurate forecasting, but strengths include rationalizing inaccurate forecasting for months on end. Send e-mail to RomerHasToEat(at)gmail.com

Looking to Inspire the Masses? I’m your Guru – Messaging expert with considerable skills in building mass movements, looking to take your project to the next level. Skilled at inducing false sense of euphoria; currently taking community college courses to improve executing the follow-through. Some hygiene issues and past complaints about ineffable sense of doom accompanying my entrance to a room. Salary requirements include separate health insurance for moustache (documentation available to prove that it is a preexisting condition). E-mail TheAxeManCometh(at)hopeandchange.com

Where Else Are You Going to Turn? – Nevada resident with extensive CV seeking new opportunities. Skills limited to accusing others of being even more unpalatable than me, without substantiation. Long history of inappropriate workplace remarks, justified by assumption that everyone at home is too busy gambling to notice. Will work according to your terms for the first few years, then forget you exist and basically do whatever the hell I want. E-mail ReidItAndWeep(at)dailykos.org

Please, Please, Hire Me! – Longtime United States Senator from Pennsylvania available for new work opportunities beginning in January. Have accepted that my opportunities will be limited to yard work. On the plus side, will have no problem scaring small children off your lawn. Please send inquiries via telegraph.

Property Manager Available – Senior Citizen in the New York area available, especially for rent-controlled and offshore properties. Let’s keep this off the books and rely on my charm to do the rest! Employment agreement must provide for legal defense fund. E-mail TheLoneRangel(at)votesforsale.com

Senior Executive, Just Looking – High-level executive exploring new opportunities, probably beginning in 2013. Gifted communicator, except when it counts. Will bring people together by leading everyone in the room to believe that I agree with them. Looking for positions where most major decisions can be made on the golf course. Will strengthen your organization while scorning the greedy, Eurocentric values that facilitate the free-market system undergirding it. You may be eligible for a tax break, as I currently live in public housing. Please direct all inquiries through my agents at the Service Employees International Union.